By: Briyannah E. Simmons
Characters
Penelope
Ash
(Penelope enters first, guiding Ash in.)
PENELOPE
Here we are- gloves on, Ash. This is our heirloom room. Here we have antiques that date as far back as Napoleon.
ASH
Wow…
PENELOPE
Yes, “wow” indeed.
ASH
Sorry?
PENELOPE
Have you anything else to say?
ASH
Well… it’s impressive. That far back, really? Wow.
PENELOPE
You tried.
ASH
That’s… cool… what is it?
PENELOPE
That is a thumbscrew.
ASH
Oh….. what?
PENELOPE
It was a torture device.
ASH
Ah! What’s this over here?
PENELOPE
You’ve a good eye, Ash. These are the family dueling blades- Nemesis and Themis-
BOTH
Vengeance and Justice
ASH
Cool.
PENELOPE
Careful, they’re sharp.
(ASH keeps looking around while PENELOPE picks up one of the swords [Nemesis].)
PENELOPE
Stephen says you are very intelligent.
ASH
I think he’s the smart one.
PENELOPE
I’d agree.
ASH
You’ve got a lot of cool stuff here.
PENELOPE
It comes with an established lineage. So, I hear you wish to marry my brother.
ASH
Yeah, I already– what are you doing?
PENELOPE
Pick it up.
ASH
P-Penelope-
PENELOPE
Pick it up!
ASH
Why?
PENELOPE
Because I won’t allow you to marry Stephen unless you beat me.
ASH
I don’t think that’s your decision.
PENELOPE
You are so quaint to think that. Now, Ash, I’m going to count down from five and then our duel will commence, sword or no sword. 5..
ASH
Penelope-
PENELOPE
4..
ASH
If Stephen-
PENELOPE
3..
ASH
God dammit! (Picks up sword.)
PENELOPE
2..1. En guarde!
(They fight.)
ASH
What is your problem with me?
PENELOPE
You’re dirt.
ASH
My family is rich!
PENELOPE
Fine, you’re worse than dirt, you’re neuvo-riche.
(They fight, ASH disarms PENELOPE.)
ASH
Ha! You’re not the only one who went to finishing school.
PENELOPE
Fine, you may marry Stephen. I’ll start looking for a best woman dress.
ASH
Do you really think Stephen will have you as best woman after this stunt.
PENELOPE
Again, it’s quaint you think he has a choice.
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