by R.P. Williams
(SQUALL has his arm on JEAN-LUC’s shoulder, speaking like old buddies)
SQUALL. Last show, final fight. Remember, uh… What’s your name again?
JEAN-LUC. Jean-luc (interrupted rather swiftly)
SQUALL. Actually, I don’t care. Just remember; I, Squall Umbra, am the star. You, the unnamed and unimportant actor, die. Remember your choreography. Don’t touch the face.
JEAN-LUC. Final show. I’m putting in effort. You’re the “World’s Greatest”, right? Prove it.
SQUALL. I can increase the tempo if that’s what you mean – Ah! There’s our cue.
(SQUALL runs on stage, now in character, seeming out of breath. Followed shortly by JEAN-LUC, Both are poor actors.)
SQUALL. Hah, you’ve followed me here then? Right, blade up, make your last stand peasant! Today, you die!
JEAN-LUC. I hate this script, fight me.
(They fight, SQUALL is thrown off by the attacks JEAN-LUC is making)
SQUALL. That isn’t in the script – AH!
JEAN-LUC. So you finally caught on? The real fight starts now.
(JEAN-LUC lunges, SQUALL drops character to defend, the two fight more intensely. SQUALL barely keeping up. JEAN-LUC cuts SQUALL’s face)
SQUALL. My face! You’ve cut my face! My darling face! Now I’m scarred for life! You asked for this, no more Mister Nice Squall!!
JEAN-LUC. Do us all a favor and try to keep up.
(The fight resumes, JEAN-LUC obviously a superior sword fighter. By the end, SQUALL is utterly defeated.)
JEAN-LUC. World’s greatest sword fighter? What a joke.
SQUALL. (panting, sobbing) ON STAGE! GREATEST SWORD FIGHTER ON STAGE!
(JEAN-LUC spits on SQUALL and begins to walk off)
JEAN-LUC. Pathetic.
SQUALL. (pleading and whimpering) No no! This isn’t supposed to be happening! The script says I’m supposed to win! You can’t just leave! How is the show to continue!?
JEAN-LUC. I don’t know. I’m Unnamed Actor One, unimportant, right? You figure it out.
SQUALL. (to the audience) I’m sorry, we have to pause the show due to… (touches face) Technical difficulties. (begin walking offstage) MAKEUP DEPARTMENT!!!
(JEAN-LUC exits, stage left)
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