Dumb Thief Energy

Comic / Quarterstaff (QS) / February 20, 2022

Jessica Parsons

Thief 1 and Thief 2

1: Aha! Finally, hello beautiful

2: Flattery won’t save your life.

1: I was talking about the diamond.

2: Hand it over.

1: (throws 2 the stick) So you wanted that?

2: What- what kind of idiot would throw their enemy their only weapon?

1: The kind who’s gonna make a run for it! (Tries to run but gets blocked)

2: I- I can’t. I do have standards you know. Just pick up that damn thing and fight me (motions to stick in a case).

1: Well, if I don’t do that then we can’t fight and we just wait for the security guard to sweep through here.

2: And we both get sent to jail

1: But the diamond is safe. Besides, that thing’s an antique!

2: (goans) It’s just a stick!

1: (looking at the card) Just a stick- This stick was used by King Richard the second during the –

2: Pick up the damn stick!

1: (picks up the stick) If you scratch this thing-

[Fight starts]

1: So the big plan is to steal the diamond from me? Why didn’t you just wait until I left? You couldn’t just wait by the bus stop?

2: You took a bus?

1: Look, cars in New York are expensive, we’re on a bit of a budget.

2: I’m dealing with amateurs. Do you even know the significance of the diamond?

1: It’s- it’s a diamond man, it’s going to be a major payday.

2:  You’re going to sell the diamond?

1: No. I’m going to have my friend cut the diamond then we’re going to mount and sell the rings on the black market. Selling a diamond that big outright is stupid. I’m-I’m not going to let you take it from me!


2: Wait- So you’re not after The Pirate Queen’s treasure?

1: Treasure? Isn’t the diamond treasure enough?

2: Wait, hold up. This is perfect.

1: I don’t like where this is going…

2: You want a payday… I need someone expendabl- I mean eager. Willing to go on an all expenses paid road trip?

1: Where are we going?

2: The Cayman Islands. There’s a shipwreck off the northern side of the island that is pretty famous, in that wreck is a chest and the diamond unlocks it.

1: Great, so sounds like I’m headed to the Cayman Islands…You’ve been a big help.

2: I-Wait you… you need me though?

1: Nope. I don’t think I do.

2: But you don’t have anyway of getting there yourself.

1: I assume you have some credit cards on you. Remember, thief?

2: Oh my god. You’re trying to double cross me?

1: Better I do it now than you do it later.

[Fight. 2 loses.]

2: You’ve got to be kidding me.

1: Right on cue, STEVE OLD BUDDY, GOT ONE FOR YA! Have fun, Steve’s a blast, but watch out for his stick. He doesn’t go as easy as I do.

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